When I work with clients here in New York City, we start off by sorting through the many different feelings and emotions they are experiencing. Sometimes clients feel overwhelmed by life, others feel sad about a recent loss, and there is often confusion about what next steps to take. Clients may also feel ashamed that they cannot handle their problems and difficult emotions on their own.
As a therapist, I have a gentle approach to walking clients through this sorting process, starting with uncovering the blocks that have kept them stuck. Opening up and taking a risk allows clients to take ownership of the process and feel empowered at each step.
What does it mean to take ownership of your feelings? Ownership of feelings means that you, and you alone are responsible for the way that you feel on a daily basis. Sure, there are outside forces that contribute to your mood, but they way you think and then internalize about external forces is within your control.
While our work together is an in-depth experience of your individual feelings, here are a few ways to start rethinking the way you handle your feelings and start to move towards ownership.
- Realize your own power with regard to your feelings. You may have heard the phrase “take your power back.” The feeling of power over your emotions can be quite, well…powerful, if you are struggling to move forward in life.
- Make a commitment to find the silver lining in the situation. Did you ever meet a person who could “make lemonade out of lemons?” They can take any situation: infertility, illness, death, unemployment, divorce and look at the good and understand the growth that can come from their circumstances. While there are certainly times when you feel sad, I believe that personal growth is around the corner of any difficult situation.
- Write things down. Your journal can be one of the most powerful tools of transformation. I have clients who write long paragraphs, some who only make lists, and ones who draw the stressors of life in a big interconnected graph.
- Do not blame anyone or anything, least of all yourself. Move yourself out of the habit of blaming toward acceptance for what is. For instance, if you are having problems conceiving a child, do not look at the infertility and blame the stress from your career, or the fact that you may have “waited to long” as that will only lead to more stress.
- Pat yourself on the back. Doing this work is difficult. Taking time to shift the way you think about your current circumstances can cause a bit of upset. Do not worry, I am here to help you.
Each of these steps can be difficult to walk through and I applaud you for taking the first few steps. Owning your feelings can be a very powerful experience and can lead to great healing. Once you begin to start moving towards ownership of your feelings you will experience a feeling of great relief. Knowing you have the power to change the way you think about the external and internal forces in your life can be the catalyst for our work together.