Every relationship has its ups and downs throughout the years – in fact there are times you may feel you are both on a on a roller coaster, or even on different roller coasters. One partner may have had an affair (physical or emotional), drained a bank account, or taken any number of other actions that has broken the sacred bond of trust.
How do you re-establish trust in a relationship? In this age of technology it can be even harder to re-establish trust with cell phones, emails and messenger sites. And remember, there are two sides to regaining trust – work must be done by the partner who broke the bond and by the partner who has to look at their role within relationship.
Healing from a break of trust is going to take effort and both partners have to work at this for quite some time. It is imperative for both partners recognize that they have to work together to rebuild the bridge over the chasm that developed between them.
- Be open and transparent. Do not hide in the house with your cell phone or close your computer every time your spouse walks into a room. Answer questions openly and willingly and remember this may not feel comfortable but it may be what your partner needs.
- Do what you say you are going to do and be where you say you are going to be. Never give your spouse any indication that you are lying about what you are doing or your whereabouts.
- Call and inform your spouse when plans change.
- Explain details that might be misleading or confusing. Always make the time to talk about events.
- Spend time with your partner. How can you learn to trust again if you were the one who was cheated on? Can you ever trust again? If you want to stay in the relationship then you are going to have to walk down a path that eventually leads to looking at yourself and your partner in order to arrive at a place of forgiveness. This means being open and honest with your partner when you do not trust and telling him/her exactly what you need to ensure you feel safe, heard and comfortable.Couples therapy can be a productive way to work through these issues. When a bond is broken, it tells a story and our work will entail deciphering what the story means and if there is enough of a foundation that can be the groundwork for writing a new and more trusting story.