You’ve been trying to conceive a baby for some time and still you are not pregnant. You worry that something may be wrong. Sometimes, this is the most difficult stage in the process of dealing with infertility – just admitting there could be a problem.
Sometimes admitting the problem, even to yourself, is just plain scary. It means you have to face the reality that this might be difficult…and not natural. You may be wondering “will I ever have a child?” When you walk down the street in NYC you see other new moms pushing baby strollers and you just cringe on the inside…and you also cry, out of fear and frustration.
The first thing to do is work together with your partner, doctor and a therapist to come to a place of acceptance that you might have an issue. This comes with helping you gently forgive your body for not cooperating and living with some fear about the future – both in terms of what you will go through and also if you will ever conceive.
How you talk to yourself: Clear and positive messages to yourself will help you ride the storm or infertility. You can certainly get angry and sad, but also be loving and gentle. Setting a positive attitude does not guarantee success but it will enable you to carry on and bear the weight of decisions you and your partner will be facing as you try to make plans for having a baby.
Communicate with your spouse: Couples experience infertility at the same time but they process it in different ways. For instance, a woman who feels like a pin cushion needs a sensitive partner. When a man goes through testing he may feel as if his “manhood” is being called into question. It is important to know that this is not about one of you, it is about both. It does not matter where the medical obstacles lie, it is just critical that you face them together.
Discussions with your doctor: There are so many things that can be medically corrected these days, but you have to find a doctor who meets your needs. Your medical history may play a part in what is going on, and your doctor is only going to have that information if you share it. Your entire medical history, including your reproductive history, should be fully discussed.
Bring it all to therapy: all of these discussions can be exhausting and mixed with the myriad of emotions you are having, it can sometimes feel like it is too much to handle. If you find yourself getting bitter, resentful or depressed it is best to see a therapist. Sometimes a impartial and caring person can help you sort through emotions and options and give you the clarity you need to move forward.
Action, self-care and a hefty does of communication will help you navigate the often uncertain and scary path you will walk when attempting to conceive a child. Make it about you and your partner taking on the goal of getting pregnant- together – and you will find yourself better prepared to handle what comes your way.