As much as the winter holidays are supposed to be a time of festivities and family fun, they are also a source of stress for many people. Plan now to work together as a couple to diffuse that stress and make this year’s holiday season truly special.
The winter holiday season is the busiest time of the year and can cause strain on time, financial resources, and emotions. During a short period of just a few weeks, most of us find ourselves pouring time and effort into:
- Gift purchasing, wrapping, and giving
- Traveling to various events
- Attending multiple parties given by family, friends, and work colleagues
- Hosting our own holiday events
- Remembering loved ones who may have died
- Dealing with family with whom there may be tense relations
Each of these has its own strain on time, budget, and emotions. Planning ahead together is the best strategy to ensure all things go as smoothly as possible. Sit down together well in advance to discuss holiday issues.
Parties and events: Who is likely to have a party? How many events can we reasonably attend? Will we entertain in our own home, and if so, whom should we invite? Whose family will we spend the holidays with? Are we willing to travel, and how far?
Finances: What will be our budget for various items, such as gifts, travel, food, and entertainment?
Household responsibilities: If one spouse usually does the cooking or cleaning or running the kids around, can you decide on a teamwork arrangement during the holidays so that one spouse isn’t overwhelmed?
Interpersonal relations: Are there any people who cause friction or stress for you, your spouse, or your children? What boundaries can you decide on now and what strategies can you develop to avoid conflicts when you’re together? Should that strategy be simply to avoid that person? How might that affect others?
Self-care: How can you support each other emotionally and physically during the busy time so neither feels overwhelmed or gets sick from strain or overwork? What me-time, couple’s-time, and family-time should you plan so that your own relationship and your relationship with your children are prioritized?
Remember to approach the holiday season as a team, supporting each other and backing each other up when decisions may not be popular with other family members. For instance, if you decide it’s just too much of a strain to try to get to one family event, make sure you present a message of unity: “We have decided as a family that it will be too difficult to make it to X event this year. We hope to see everyone soon at Y event next month.” If there’s pushback from disappointed people, maintain that unity and support each other in the decision.
If you have difficulty coming up with a good plan or just the right words to say to that tough family member, reach out to an experienced family or couples counselor for some guidance. It may only take a couple of sessions to help you develop your holiday plan and stress-busting strategies. You’ll be glad you got the help! If you’re in the NYC area, reach out to me. I’d love to assist you in making your holiday extra special this year.