Are you feeling stuck already, and the new year has just begun? Are you struggling to stick to your resolutions? Does thinking about the year ahead make you feel discouraged?
The new year can be exciting for some people. For others, it can feel like they’re facing another year of more of the same. An important skill for all of us to learn is recognizing and silencing the negative voice within us that holds us down. Negative self-talk is always counterproductive, even if you think it’s based on some truth (“I never finish my resolutions” or “I can never get ahead, as hard as I try” or “I just can’t find Mr. Right”).
Sometimes past experiences, trauma, or hard times drag you down. This can make it very difficult to make necessary changes in your life. And sometimes, you just need a little help making realistic goals and knowing how to follow through.
Why resolutions fail
Making resolutions is a sign of hope, so if you’ve made them, good for you! If you haven’t, because you are discouraged that they haven’t worked before, I can share a few possible reasons why they were previously unsuccessful. This knowledge often helps people make better goals.
- Unrealistic – Sometimes we see the big picture and make the goal too large without dividing it into bite-sized pieces to chip away at the big goal a little at a time throughout the year. And sometimes we just make too many goals.
- Lack of planning – If you don’t create actionable steps that can lead to final success, your goal will likely not be accomplished.
- Not adjusting habits or routines – People are often unwilling to make changes that will help them implement their new goals – for instance, you want to curtail your drinking but you won’t stop going to your favorite bar after work.
- No support– You don’t have a support group encouraging you in your resolutions.
- External factors – Unexpected events or pressures over which you have little control may intervene.
Except for external factors, we do have control over these other obstacles, but sometimes it’s hard to feel as though we are in the driver’s seat. If you want 2025 to be your best year yet and the beginning of even better years ahead, a little guidance from an experienced counselor can make all the difference. If you’re in the New York City area, give me a call to see how I can help.
How to increase your chances of reaching your goals
The list of reasons for failure can give us hints of how to succeed. A few practical points may help you make successful resolutions this year.
Examine your reasons for making resolutions. Are you making resolutions because of what other people think about you, because of low self-esteem, or because of a higher reason? For instance, if you want to lose 30 pounds, is it because people have teased you about your weight, because you think you’re unattractive, or because you want to maximize your health? Only the last reason is a strong enough “why” to lead to success. The other reasons are based on fear or self-loathing. In these cases, whether you lose weight or not, you will feel like a failure.
If you lose 15 pounds and feel a lot better, you’ll still feel like a failure because your goal was off. That negative self-opinion will likely cause you to gain the weight back. Resolutions need to come from a place of strength within, and a true conviction for the good, not out of fear or negativity.
Make a few clear, actionable resolutions with a well-developed plan of action. Write out the steps you plan to take with time frames that will help you meet your goal. Track your goals in a journal, listing your successes and setbacks and what you learned from them. Adjust as needed.
If you’re trying to lose weight, list changes in diet and exercise that should help you toward your goal. Choose one unhealthy food a month to eliminate except for special occasions. For instance, allow yourself pizza once a month instead of once a week. Decide if you need to join a gym or change your commute to work. Consider parking at the farthest end of the parking lot or getting off at an earlier train stop so you walk every day. Simple life changes are the most enduring. Track your weight. If weight loss stalls, that’s ok, it usually does. If you start to gain again, find out why and make changes. Record the improvements that you feel in your health – not being so out of breath when you climb stairs or walk the dog, for instance.
Find partners to support your resolution. Tell your friends and family about your goals and tell them how you want them to cheer you on. They don’t need to ask how you’re doing. You also don’t want them to shame you when you eat a donut. However, you want to be able to share your successes and talk out your struggles with them so they can give you moral support.
Reward yourself. When you’ve succeeded in your goal, reward yourself! You don’t need to get it done in a year. In fact, you might get close to your goal and be happy with that outcome. Whatever and whenever you succeed, reward yourself. Sticking with our example, buy a special outfit, get professional pictures taken, or take your support group out for a special, healthy dinner.
Getting help to succeed
This is all great advice, but sometimes it’s really hard to implement it. And sometimes, a person just feels too “down” to take the necessary first steps. If this sounds like you, it could be that you’re actually experiencing “unrealized depression.”
Whether you are experiencing unrealized depression, dealing with past trauma or self-esteem issues, or you just need motivation and accountability, I’m here. If you’re in the NYC area, let’s talk about your goals and how we can help you attain them.