When Your Friend is Pregnant…and you still are not

When you are walking a path of infertility, you are struggling with a myriad of emotions and feelings.  Of course there is anxiety around your constant question “why can’t I get pregnant?”  And that is usually accompanied by a constant feeling of when will it finally happen for you?  I work with many individuals and couples who are dealing with infertility. We sort through their feelings and ensure they are coming together as a couple rather than falling apart.  While my patients do range in age, they undoubtedly have other friends who want to get pregnant as well…some are struggling and others are getting pregnant right away.

My friend just announced she is pregnant….

The friend may or may not have been trying to get pregnant.  In fact, when you are going through infertility treatment and hear of an oops pregnancy you may just about fall apart. Either way, when a friend announces her pregnancy at work or in your personal life you enter a small tunnel of pain.  Sure you are excited, but her news can also create much more anxiety for you.  How should you deal?

  1. Acknowledge that you wish it was you.  Yes, I know you have that feeling.  You want to be the one who is pregnant.  This could be your best friend or a close relative.  You are excited for them, but you wish it was you.  I understand.
  2. Dig deep and celebrate for your friend.  Find a way to not remain isolated by sending a card or flowers and if you feel prepared, spend some time together.  Ignoring the situation will only cause you more pain and she may actually be upset – especially if she does not know your current struggle.
  3. Come in for a visit with me. There is no better solution than to talk.  You can cry or express your anger and then we can discuss your emotions. Together we can work through your feelings and build some strategies to help you cope.

Being upset that someone else is pregnant does not make you a bad person. It just pushes your level of pain up another notch and that makes you want to avoid feeling more anguish. You are a good person and you want the best for your friends and family members. I know you are suffering through your infertility and you just want to get pregnant…already!  We can work together so you can relax into treatment with your medical doctor and deal with the myriad of emotions – including those that want your friends to be a little less pregnant and you to be scheduling sonograms.

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