Here in NYC we all experience busy lives. The hustle and bustle of getting to work, navigating the subway, and even buying groceries (and walking them up the five flights to your apartment) can be exhausing and overwhelming.
Couples in our vibrant city may have extra stress and pressure as they negotiate building a life with higher living expenses, managing children, and just planning schedules. It can be hard to breath and communicate and it’s much harder when you are experiencing infertility.
You want to grow your family and you can not seem to get pregnant. Infertility can happen when starting a family or even when you are trying for the second time. It is important to not let the stress of infertility crack your relationship. Regular communication can help you understand how the current situation is impacting each of you.
- Set aside time just to talk. This can be a regular date night at a restaurant or time on the sofa. Check in on other aspects of life like work and family and then discuss the stressors in your lives.
- When events happen related to your infertility such as a treatment, a disappointing result, or a new plan of action, check in to discuss the details. For instance, if you find out you are not pregnant your partner may show indifference to hide his own pain – it is important for you to understand that silence is not the same as not caring. One of you may have difficulty showing and expressing feelings and you do not want that to drive a wedge in your relationship.
- At some point stop talking and engage in an activity together. Talking is a way to bring about closeness but so is just being with someone in silence. Go back and do the things that you loved to do when you were a couple – either with the children you have or even when it was just the two of you. Getting back to those fun and/or quiet times will fill your emotional tank so when you are presented with a stumbling block you are not wiped out.
All this sounds great in theory but putting it into practice in your own life can be quite a challenge. I work with clients who are moving through the process of infertility treatment. Sometimes, an individual just needs someone to talk to or the couple needs help establishing communication about feelings that feel too painful to talk about. Whatever your situation, I am here to help you.