Stress of any kind can have a negative effect on sleep patterns. If your stress is from work or some other life situation, you may be able to take a vacation or change your environment; but infertility is a stress that you can’t readily get away from. For that reason, it is even more critical to develop effective stress-reducing habits so that you can get a good night’s sleep to improve your mental and physical health.
There are myriad books and videos about reducing stress and/or getting to sleep, and different techniques work for different people. I’ll share a few that I’ve found frequently work for my clients.
Create a “worry window” during the day – and stick to it
It may feel as if your infertility is always on your mind – and when you lie down and you’re not really “doing anything” those thoughts crowd your brain. A “worry window” is a time during the day when you allow yourself to worry. Just set your alarm for a convenient time for your worry session, then set a timer for 15-20 minutes to do nothing but worry. Think about whatever could possibly bother you, infertility and anything else. Some people like to write things down. When the alarm goes off, stop.
The idea is to give your brain a specific time to ruminate, to corral your worried and stressful thoughts into a single time of the day – or two, if necessary, in the beginning – so you can have worry-free thoughts the rest of the day.
Naturally, in the beginning, it will be challenging to stop worrying at other times of the day, but telling your brain “Ok, I’ll think about that at my next worry session” can really give you hours of freedom and peace.
Create sleep routines or rituals
Most people can’t just “flip a switch” in their brains, turn off the stress of the day, and quickly drift off to sleep. Most of us need to send signals to our brains to tell us it’s bedtime. Routines or rituals can help send those signals. The possibilities of sleep rituals are almost endless, but here are a few suggestions.
- Turn off the phone and other screens an hour before bed. The light from the screens stimulates the mind, and whatever you’re looking at could give you more things to think about when you’re trying to sleep.
- Perform your bedtime hygiene – brush your teeth, wash your face, put on your pajamas – and don’t do anything but bedtime routines afterward.
- Have a cup of herbal tea, one known to be calming and relaxing, such as chamomile.
- Light a scented candle or apply a soothing essential oil.
- Do some progressive muscle relaxation or gentle stretches. Look up what movements are best for relaxing for bed.
- Spend a little time in quiet meditation or prayer.
Each activity should bring you closer and closer to a relaxed mental and physical state, making you ready for sleep.
Walk through a peaceful scene in your mind
The goal is to focus your brain on something pleasant to stop the racing thoughts that make you tense and sleepless. Imagine a favorite peaceful place that you know well – a park where you had fun as a child, a beach you go to every summer, your grandmother’s house, whatever. Walk through it step by step, trying to experience it again. Do you feel the breeze on the beach? Hear the leaves rustle in the trees at the park? Smell something baking in Grandmom’s kitchen? Experience the peace again as if you were there.
Listen to something.
If you just can’t calm your brain, try an audiobook or soothing musical playlist. The idea is to distract your brain and relax your body so you can sleep, so try a few different things until you find something that works.
Some nights you may just find you can’t relax. It’s better to get up and do something than to lie there, stressed out and adding worry about sleeping to your other worries. Do something that will make you happy so you won’t feel like you wasted your time. But don’t stare at a screen of any kind, since the light from the screen will worsen your condition. If sleeplessness persists and you’ve tried multiple techniques, talk to your doctor, who may recommend counseling or a gentle medication for sleep support.