There’s no question that the pandemic has had a significant impact on romantic relationships. For some, the 24/7 togetherness has made their relationship stronger. A greater appreciation of each other and a need to find things to do together has forged a deeper bond. But for many couples, the non-stop time together has caused a significant strain.
The fact that your relationship has suffered does not automatically mean that it’s a bad relationship or that it wasn’t meant to be. It just means it needs some work. Some couples are able to give it the extra work on their own, while others need help from an experienced couples counselor. Either way, your relationship can improve if both parties are motivated to work on it.
Why the strain?
We all have weaknesses and we all have quirks. We also have perfectly fine personality traits that can rub another perfectly fine person the wrong way. None of this is a bad thing. It’s part of being human. And in small doses, these issues can be manageable. But when there is no way to escape these weaknesses/quirks/traits and the problems are not addressed, relationships can suffer.
Another possible stressor was boredom. If you were previously involved in a variety of extracurricular activities or had a group of friends you saw regularly, the loss of these activities and friendships could make one feel bored and lonely.
We can’t forget, too, that the pandemic and lockdown themselves created a state of instability, even fear. No one really knew what was going on, when it would all end, and when we would be safe again. Some people got sick. Others lost loved ones but couldn’t visit them. This is a terrible emotional pain that can add to the trial. If you experienced fear or sadness and your partner was not as supportive as you needed, this could have damaged your relationship.
Additional stressors included job loss or financial instability, issues with parenting when the children were also cooped up at home, trying to balance work and online schooling of children, and a host of other problems that arose during the lockdowns and the subsequent gradual reopening.
These situations can cause anxiety, which presents itself as irritability, anger, edginess, sadness, fear, or depression. It can also decrease one’s interest in sexual relations, which adds yet another layer of stress to a relationship.
Turning the situation around
Don’t let the pandemic and lockdowns doom your relationship. You can make it strong and vibrant again. Here are a few tips.
- Handle boredom by finding a shared passion. Whether it’s cooking, exercise, a book series or tv show, or some other activity, work hard to find something you both enjoy and plan to engage in it frequently.
- Arrange a little alone-time daily. The old saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder” is often true. If you both work from home, work separately and come together for lunch. Then talk about your day and “go back to the office.” Find a way that works for you both, in your situation, and celebrate the time that you come back together again.
- Address the hurts. This is something you may want to do with a counselor, but touch on it together first and you may find that discussing your pain and your feelings may really draw you closer together. You may think your partner will not understand or respond properly. You may be surprised.
- Since the pandemic restrictions are lifting, start going out with friends again. Do those extracurriculars again. But don’t do them to “get away from” your spouse or partner. Draw him or her into the fun by sharing about it afterward. Again, celebrate your time together after you get home by sitting down together, talking, and sharing a drink or treat.
- Start dating each other again. Reignite that flame.
These are just a few suggestions that can help strengthen your relationship after the strain of the pandemic and lockdowns. As a therapist working with couples struggling with a variety of stressful situations, I help couples build communication and understanding and reignite their love and passion. I have found that, when both partners want to make a relationship work, it can be done. If you need help strengthening your bond, give me a call to see how I can help.