Striving for excellence is a praiseworthy characteristic. Excellence, however, should not be confused with perfection. In our imperfect world, perfection is impossible; predictably, perfectionism is often linked to anxiety and panic disorder. It is an important part of the therapeutic process to learn the distinction between perfectionism and excellence and then assess whether there is anxiety stemming from trying to be perfect.
The cause-effect relationship between anxiety and perfectionism is not fully understood, but a meta-analysis published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology found that people diagnosed with anxiety have a higher rate of perfectionism than those without anxiety.
Perfectionism could be defined as hyper-excellence. It involves having such high expectations that there is little chance of attaining the goal. While it’s important to hold oneself to high standards for one’s professional, sport, or artistic performance, or even in interaction with friends and loved ones, perfectionists often set the bar so high that they are practically setting themselves up for failure.
Perfectionists often equate their self-image with their performance. A mistake is a sign of failure, or even being a bad person. The perceived failure often leads to a flood of anxious or negative thoughts, including ruminating on unreasonable worst-case scenarios that might occur because of the mistake, most of which are highly exaggerated but cause tremendous stress. Over time, this can lead to anxiety or panic attacks.
Perfectionism can also overflow into relationships, as perfectionists may hold others to their same unreasonably high standards, thus creating serious conflicts with their co-workers, spouse, children, and friends. This can be a source of intense stress in a relationship.
Strategies for excellence without perfectionism
Perfectionism motivates you to do your very best and encourages self-improvement. However, since perfection is an unattainable extreme, you will never actually succeed, causing negative self-evaluation and even procrastination – if you never finish, you’ll never have to look at an imperfect product. Such an unhealthy view of yourself and your work needs adjustment.
Overcoming perfectionism can be challenging because it requires a mental reset. It takes realizing that doing a great job is sometimes better than doing a perfect job. Being excellent is better than being perfect. There are a number of well-known sayings that are variations on this theme: “Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good” or “Better done than perfect.”
To a perfectionist, this can be very difficult to swallow. The goal is to gradually lower your expectations of excellence until you reach a level that is challenging but attainable. You may want to work with a counselor, good friend, or mentor to apply this to specific areas of your life, such as your job or creative endeavors.
Simultaneously, look for ways to boost your self-esteem and separate your self-worth from your work. You are valuable as a human being, simply because you exist. You have worth. Find friends who appreciate you for yourself, not for what you’re good at. Volunteer with a charity to serve those who are less fortunate. Take walks to appreciate nature and unplug from the noise of our busy world.
Practice mindfulness, which consists of appreciating the moment and silencing the inner voice that is ruminating on what could happen or what happened in the past that can’t be changed. Think of the present, and find something to be thankful for right now. You can research many mindfulness techniques online or meet with a good counselor to find which method works best for you.
Try a few of these methods to release some of the stress associated with perfectionism and see how much more peaceful your life can be. If you’re in the New York City area and would like some counseling to get started, contact me to see how I can help.