There can be many reasons and causes for receiving criticism in your workplace. Let’s make a distinction here between criticism that comes from a bully or a toxic work environment and work-related criticism from a boss or co-worker who perceives a problem. It may not be possible right away to know the difference, and the criticism may be causing you anxiety, depression, or a decrease in your work quality.
It’s so important to address these feelings and the criticism that is causing them. However, it’s often helpful to talk it out with someone before taking steps that you might regret. Whether you have a strong support system who can help you make good decisions or you choose to talk to a professional, there are some steps you should take.
I’ve talked about toxic bosses and general meanness in other articles. Signs of toxic or mean behavior include personal attacks, over-the-top negativity, yelling, criticism in front of others, criticism for things out of your control, and gaslighting. These issues are quite serious and may require getting management or HR involved in the resolution.
In this article, however, I’d like to focus on general criticism and what steps you can take to manage it effectively.
Types of criticism
In any work situation, you will experience correction or criticism from bosses or co-workers. It may be meant to help you improve your quality of work or your interaction with the team. It may be presented well or it may be presented poorly. Either way, you need to develop a successful response plan in order to deflect negativity and internalize the helpful message that may be intended.
Many bosses and teammates have not been trained on the ways to offer criticism in a constructive manner – or if they have been trained, they have not yet mastered it! So, some valid criticism may be expressed very poorly. It’s up to you to react properly.
Handling criticism in the workplace
Here are a few DOs and DON’Ts when you receive negative feedback, regardless of how well or how poorly it is presented.
- DON’T become immediately defensive. DO listen.
- DON’T react in anger. DO assume good intentions.
- DON’T make excuses. DO ask questions to clarify.
- DON’T take it personally. DO thank the person, if there is any foundation in the feedback.
- DON’T blame yourself. DO treat yourself kindly, recognizing mistakes are a part of learning.
- DON’T act arrogantly. DO show some humility.
These suggestions can be especially difficult for people who have experienced a lot of criticism in their lives or have low self-esteem. People who have had painful relationships in the past and have developed self-defense mechanisms may find those mechanisms showing up in the office when they’re criticized.
We also have to realize that the shoe could be on the other foot. The person criticizing you may have some self-esteem issues and is acting out his or her own self-defense mechanisms. Realizing that we are all coming from a different place and others may be acting out of their own wounds can often help us be more understanding and compassionate, even to those who have a hard time offering constructive criticism in a way that is not hurtful.
When the criticism is unfair
You may find sometimes that the criticism, whether it was well-meaning or not, is not warranted. When this happens, continue to follow the principles above, but gather evidence to demonstrate the truth. This could include logs of communication or documents showing your work. Document all conversations. Collect witnesses, if necessary.
Start with the least offensive steps, such as discussing it directly with the person in private and showing your evidence. If that isn’t sufficient, depending on the structure of your company you may go to your boss or HR department. You can also try again in the presence of a witness who can vouch for your position. Always remain professional and as positive as possible, since you will probably continue to work with this person.
Again, this can be difficult. You may need help developing a constructive plan to address workplace criticism. Or you may struggle with low self-esteem, anxiety, or depression that is complicating the situation. Working with a counselor could help you define the sources of these feelings and develop helpful techniques and patterns of thinking to overcome them. Healthy self-esteem makes it much easier to handle all negative events in life.
If you need help with workplace criticism and you live in the New York City area, reach out to me to see how I can help.