Infertility Counseling Session 4: Alternative Families

The fourth session focused on the issue of infertility as it relates to step families, lesbian and gay couples and single women. As one might imagine, these three areas are rife with complicating areas of concern and it is of prime importance that an infertility counselor be sensitive to the distinct ways each group deals with an infertility diagnosis. As we progress in society to increasing our acceptance of alternative ways of building a family, each group requires a therapeutic approach that is tailored to meet the particular needs of that group.

Step families dealing with infertility have to navigate many players as they proceed with infertility treatments. Children, ex-spouses and extended family members all have distinct responses to the idea of another child and when faced with infertility, special consideration must be given to the health of the family community. There are emotional concerns for the already existing children such as, will they continue to hold a special place in the family if the parents are taken up with infertility treatments. For older children, there may be concern over how much money is spent on infertility treatments; money that might be used for education or help with other economic concerns.

It is not uncommon for there to be a higher incidence of infertility in step families as one or both partners may be older. Studies show that advanced age is a major factor in the inability to naturally conceive. If a partner without children is diagnosed with infertility, the other partner may not be able to provide the necessary support needing during the stress of assisted reproduction interventions.

With gay and lesbian couples, there are a host of issues related to the use of gestational carriers, donated sperm and eggs. With this population, there is the opportunity for each partner to potentially have a genetically related child and the complexities of contracting with potential donors as well as gestational carries involves investigation and legal issues that are different in each state. Society has progressed to the place where more and more gay and lesbian couples are exploring parenthood and when hit with an infertility diagnosis, the sense of loss may trigger a deep sadness about not being able to realize a now more accepted status of parenting within this population.

Single women, either by choice or by circumstance face the pain of infertility without the much needed support. Many women today are choosing to become single mothers and society no longer looks on this as a negative. In years past women were only able to have children within the confines of marriage as they were economically dependent on men. In today’s society, women have greater potential to achieve economic independence and therefore are able to consider parenting on their own. When faced with a diagnosis of infertility, single women suffer this trauma alone. There are many reasons why a woman may choose to parent alone, some of which may stem from not being able to find a partner. When also faced with infertility, a single woman has to deal with not fulfilling two of society’s still present expectations – connecting with a life partner and becoming a mother.

A diagnosis of infertility is a devastating occurrence in anyone’s life who wishes to be a parent. First married or partnered couples suffer a great deal of pain, anger, shame, guilt, loss and fear when faced with infertility and the invasive treatments associated with trying to conceive a child. Special populations such as step families, gay and lesbian couples and single women deal with a host of additional issues that bear great weight on an already stressful situation such as infertility. The pressure to deal with the infertility from a supportive family and economic platform is increased profoundly in these alternative populations. The approach toward helping these couples and individuals requires sensitivity and the ability to look at one’s own belief systems without prejudice.