The experience of feeling disconnected can be unique to each person. Maybe you feel like you’re on autopilot, just going through the motions, not emotionally connected to the world or the people around you. Maybe when you are talking to people, you appear normal on the outside, but inside you feel distant and unengaged. Or you just don’t feel like yourself anymore, not recognizing the person you are. Sometimes you look in the mirror and don’t really recognize yourself. The world seems hazy and slightly unreal.
Whatever your particular experience, these feelings can be frightening. But surprisingly, they are common and can be caused by a variety of life stressors. The most common include:
- Chronic or prolonged stress
- Family difficulties or worries
- Emotional overload
- Heavy expectations placed upon you—sometimes by yourself
- Difficult or traumatic experiences
- Significant life changes
- Chronic sleep deprivation
- Anxiety or depression
- Childhood emotional neglect
- Substance abuse
If the disconnectedness is more pronounced or continuous, it could be a form of dissociation, when the normal sense of being a part of the world, your own body, or yourself becomes disrupted. Two common types of dissociation are depersonalization, in which you feel like you are detached from yourself, and derealization, when the world around you seems like a dream or seems unreal.
The “why” behind feeling disconnected
Why does your mind do this in response to these stimuli? Your nervous system is protecting you. When you are in a place of extreme or chronic stress, the nervous system can partially disconnect you from the situation to prevent overload.
Many people who feel disconnected only feel it occasionally, not on an ongoing basis. However, there is the danger that your body will develop the habit of taking you back to that space whenever you are beginning to feel overwhelmed, which could lead to a chronic state of disconnectedness or to some level of dissociation.
What you can do
Don’t ignore this feeling. You need to take steps to reverse this tendency and develop new patterns of thought. For some people whose disconnectedness is occasional and not too powerful yet, creating new habits to cope can replace the habit your nervous system is falling into.
Most immediately, you can use mindfulness techniques to reconnect with the world and yourself. Some approaches include methods that force you to notice the world and your body. For instance, when you are feeling disconnected, stop and try a few of these techniques:
- Focus on your senses: Close your eyes and name three things you can hear, three things you can feel, and three things you can smell, then open your eyes and name three things you can see. If you have something to eat, you can try it and think about the taste.
- Take a walk outside in nature without any technology to entertain you. Use all your senses again to experience the world around you.
- Close your eyes and breathe deeply, concentrating on the feeling of the air going in and out of your body. Allow parts of your body to relax. Notice what part doesn’t want to relax, and try talking to that body part in your mind. “Relax, shoulders, relax.”
- Choose a period of time each day when you will not look at your phone or check social media. Gradually increase that period of time until you only look at the internet once a day, or even less. Begin to remove apps from your phone that you realize are causing you stress. Turn off pop-ups.
Of course, you may also need to make lifestyle changes, such as eating healthier and getting more sleep, and in the long run you may need to address any particular stressful conditions in your life. But these techniques can help you start to get some control back.
You may need more help
These are great first steps for reversing disconnectedness, but some people need the help of a mental health professional, especially if the feelings are chronic or severe. Some helpful therapies include cognitive behavioral therapy, psychodynamic therapy, somatic therapy, and EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing).
Find an experienced psychotherapist in your area who can help you identify the root causes and work with you to free yourself from them so you can reconnect with yourself, your loved ones, and your life.