Emotional exhaustion can range in severity from mild to quite debilitating. If you can recognize it early enough, you can take some steps on your own to course-correct and regain your strength. But if it goes on too long and continues to build, you may need professional help to identify root causes and take the steps necessary to relieve the pressure and feel peace again.
As a psychotherapist in New York City, the “city that never sleeps,” I have seen many cases of emotional exhaustion. By walking clients through a few basic steps, I help them identify stressors and make healthy choices to get their lives back to equilibrium.
Common causes of emotional exhaustion
Stress is usually a combination of external factors combined with our unique life experiences and personalities. These multiple influences determine how well we handle certain stressors and how emotional exhaustion presents itself.
Everyone has different levels of tolerance for various stressors. Don’t blame yourself or compare yourself to someone else just because you think they are able to handle stress better than you.
Some factors that may lead to emotional exhaustion include:
- Loss of a loved one or relationship tension, including a breakup
- Caregiving (children, parents)
- Being overworked, burnt out
- Trauma
- Inability to say “no,” lack of boundaries, people-pleasing
- Personal stressors (infertility, unfulfilled goals, etc.)
- Unresolved physical health problems
- Unresolved emotional pain
- Major life transitions (new baby, new house, new job)
- Having a perfectionist personality or low self-esteem
- Chronic stress
Signs of emotional exhaustion
Any one of the factors above may be enough for a person to begin to show emotional strain. As stressors pile on, exhaustion can set in. Try to evaluate yourself to determine which of these signs are starting to creep into your life:
- Feeling overwhelmed
- Starting to second-guess yourself or developing self-doubt
- Having trouble remembering what you were just saying, about to do, or came into the room for
- Thinking of too many things at once
- Feeling “checked-out” – turning off emotionally or socially, not answering texts or calls
- Feeling stuck, unmotivated, hopeless or helpless, depressed
- Constant worry or anxiety
- Ruminating, cycling through “what ifs”
- Physical fatigue, poor sleep, or wanting to sleep too much
- Headaches, stomachaches, hives, other health problems
- Muscle strain, back pain, shoulder or neck pain, even if you think you can blame it on exercise, picking something up, or other strain
- Decreased work performance
- Irritability with friends, family, or loved ones
- Road rage or other unreasonable outbursts of anger or even tears
Working to reverse and release the strain
If you have identified some of the root causes of your stress, I encourage you to take immediate steps to try to calm your emotions. Here are a few first steps:
- Be honest with your friends and family. Let them know that you need to take some steps to calm the stressors in your life. That may mean making a few temporary (or permanent) changes. If they love you, they will encourage you in this effort and will be ready to help. However, I don’t recommend discussing this at work. You may have to make some changes at work, but it’s best to determine your strategy before addressing it in the workplace. (This may be a good thing to discuss with a counselor or therapist.)
- Evaluate what things you can change, decrease, or eliminate in order to allow you to make the first important changes, which include healthy food, healthy sleep, and a healthy exercise routine. You may not need to make drastic changes; a few tweaks can make a world of difference. Eliminating added sugars and junk food and taking a walk in the sunshine and nature at lunch can really help lift your spirits.
- Unplug! Science is finding that the technology we have become so dependent on – computers and phones, and even earbuds shouting music or podcasts directly into our ear canals – is actually bad for our health. They are unquestionably the source of a great deal of emotional stress. When you take your walk, don’t use earbuds, and either leave your phone at home or put it on airplane mode. Have some peace and quiet! Think happy thoughts, meditate, pray, or just enjoy the beauty around you.
These first three steps can really help to alleviate mild to moderate emotional exhaustion. If you feel like you need more help to develop a strategy to find peace, or you need help to make a longer-lasting, deeper change, reach out to an experienced, professional counselor or therapist. If you’re in the NYC area, reach out to me to see how I can help you.