Sometimes, if you have been dating or have been married to someone for a long time, the relationship can feel as comfortable as an old shoe. You know each other through and through, and you really connect. But sometimes, a long relationship can actually start to unravel, though you are so used to having that person around that you’re not sure what to do. How do you know if it’s time to move on or to work on the relationship?
As a psychotherapist in New York City specializing in individual and couples therapy, I help couples find clarity in their relationship. When couples makes a public, legal and/or emotional commitment to one another, their relationship challenges require some effort toward understanding how they got to a place of misunderstanding and dysfunction.
Are you dealing with tension in your relationship?
There are common signs that the relationship is strained. You may need to reboot your relationship with couples therapy or permit it to end. Here are a few considerations that may suggest your relationship is in trouble:
- Your life has changed, and one of you is growing in a new direction
- You have nothing in common, and that has become a problem
- You feel personally drained by the relationship
- You feel held back from reaching your full potential by the relationship
- One of you no longer prioritizes your relationship
- You are not getting along, and disagreements are becoming unpleasant
- Conversely, your interactions have become very businesslike or even friend-like, but have lost any sense of romantic connection and attraction
Now is the time to talk seriously together about the next steps. Does your partner feel the same way about your relationship? Is he or she willing to work on improving the relationship so that both of you are experiencing the joy and the emotional support that you both need?
If your partner is willing to examine the relationship, an experienced couples therapist can help you both talk through your feelings, grow in understanding of the other person’s needs and desires, develop strong communication skills, and show you how to support each other emotionally. I have seen many couples, married and unmarried, come back from the brink of breakup to have strong, loving, lifelong relationships. Sometimes, however, counseling can help you both see that it might be time to move on.
I encourage you not to make a decision to break up without the help of a couples therapist. You’ve spent so much time together and have many shared experiences that may be worth saving. If you’re in the NYC area, feel free to give me a call to see how I can help you.