There is no doubt that having friendships is good for your mental health. We don’t need studies to prove it, since we see evidence all around us, but there are nonetheless studies that demonstrate the benefits of friendship, not only for our mental health but our physical health as well.
I know it can be hard to “put yourself out there” as you look for friendships here in NYC. Below, I list several options to get you thinking, which we can explore when we meet.
People who have close friends are more satisfied with their lives and less likely to suffer from depression; those with friends are also less likely to die from all causes, including heart problems and various chronic diseases.
Conversely, people with low social connection have an increased rate of heart attack, stroke, and premature death. In fact, a longitudinal study of nearly 48,000 UK residents found that social isolation increased the risk of early death by 26%. Put simply, isolation, loneliness, and poor-quality relationships are bad for your health.
Benefits of friendship
Romantic relationships are wonderful and provide powerful benefits to our mental and physical health. But even in the absence of romance, platonic friendships may be equally valuable. Studies show that friendship can provide a variety of benefits, including:
- Promoting a sense of well-being and purpose in life
- Increasing one’s sense of self-worth
- Reducing stress
- Providing support for changing unhealthy habits in one’s life
- Helping to process and heal from difficult or even traumatic life events
- Protecting against or decreasing depression, high blood pressure, and other poor health markers
Making friends as an adult
We all need a tribe. But it can take effort as an adult to find your people. If you’re comfortable diving into a new activity, try taking a class in karate, writing, cooking, or whatever else interests you. Or join a club; there are clubs for almost anything in a big city—walking, philosophy, board games, or just getting together for lunch. You can easily find opportunities online if you search “meetups” or “meeting new friends.”
If new situations are scary for you, think about what you like and begin taking tiny steps. Do something that makes you maybe just a little uncomfortable but is still doable. For instance, if you like dogs, start going to a dog shelter to visit with the dogs. They may let you pet them to help keep them socialized. Once you’re familiar with the people there, perhaps ask if you could volunteer. This will help you build relationships with people (besides having the joy of being with dogs in need of attention!)
If you like to cook, try helping out at a soup kitchen. You can help in the kitchen at first, and when comfortable, begin working with the guests. Helping others who are in need brings a tremendous sense of self-worth and purpose. In addition, you will enjoy the benefits of meeting people who are also dedicated to helping others.
If you have trouble making friends, are afraid to walk into a crowd of strangers, or are uncomfortable in new situations, talk to a counselor or therapist who can help you look at the roots of those feelings, identify what triggers them, and develop new habits of thought that can help you overcome them. If you’re in the New York City area, reach out to me to see how I can help you develop the necessary skills to build your own personal circle of friends.