Generational trauma, also called intergenerational trauma, refers to psychological wounds that are passed down through family lines, often unconsciously. The recognition that trauma can be passed down through generations is fairly new. Researchers studying the children of Holocaust survivors observed that some children manifested the trauma of their parents, even though they themselves had not experienced the trauma. This discovery prompted a deeper discussion about how this trauma is being transmitted.
The answer to this question is as complex as people themselves. Types of trauma that family members may experience and pass down include:
- War or other combat trauma
- Refugee experience or displacement
- Family instability or abandonment
- Serious financial instability in childhood
- Child abuse or neglect
- Domestic violence, either as the victim or spectator (child of a spousal abuser)
- Hunger, serious health problems
- Experiencing, surviving, or witnessing a traumatic or deadly accident or tragedy
- Impact of alcohol or drug abuse (one’s own or a close family member’s)
People find a wide variety of ways to cope with traumatic life experiences. Those coping mechanisms will affect the way their children are raised. Just some of the ways trauma can be passed on include telling family stories of the events (wartime or Great Depression stories); parenting styles that range from being too controlling and fearful to being too strict or abusive; or repeating the trauma in one’s own family (a parent abandoned as a child might abandon his or her child).
Recognizing generational trauma in your family
Are you wondering why you do what you do or why you feel the way you feel, even though you can’t pinpoint a reason? Do you see certain patterns across multiple family members? The answer may be generational trauma. Some of the signs may include:
- Repetitive family cycles – for example, multiple generations of broken relationships or substance abuse
- Anxiety or depression with no obvious cause
- Difficulty with forming healthy relationships or trusting others
- Heightened stress responses or chronic stress
- Extreme emotions, such as anger, rage, or fear; or the reverse: tepid emotional responses or being emotionally distant
- Common family health conditions, such as heart disease, even if eating well and exercising
When multiple members of the family are experiencing many of the same symptoms, or there seems to be a trend in your family line, it is reasonable to suspect generational trauma.
Getting help and breaking the cycle
In my experience, generational trauma is very difficult to break on one’s own. I strongly encourage you to reach out to an experienced therapist in your area for help. Interview the therapist to find out if he or she has expertise in the unique challenges of generational trauma. If you’re in the New York City area, please reach out to me to see how I can help you.
It is critically important for you to break the cycle, not only so that you can live a healthy and happy life, but so that you do not pass on your inherited trauma to your next generation. As you look for the right therapist for you, consider taking a few immediate steps.
- Acknowledge that generational trauma exists. Perhaps you can pinpoint the reason (ancestors who suffered through war, for example), and perhaps you can’t. But you recognize the patterns that seem to repeat through generations.
- Try not to blame your parents or recent ancestors, who themselves have been affected by the trauma and probably tried to do their best for you. Not placing blame and expressing sympathy or empathy toward your family members will not only diffuse anger or resentment but also be the first step in healing. It may even help them heal when they know you don’t blame them or hate them.
- Distance yourself from people or situations that heighten your trauma. This can be challenging, and you may need your therapist’s help to create healthy boundaries. If you recognize specific situations or individuals that make things worse, start trying to protect yourself physically and emotionally.
- Develop some self-help and self-love strategies, such as mindfulness and positive self-talk, enjoyable hobbies, healthy artistic self-expression, or pampering sessions that release stress and make you feel good about yourself.
- Find someone you can trust—a friend, spouse, support group—to help you remain focused on your healing rather than on the trauma. Your trusted support will help you stay on track and apply the healing strategies that your therapist will be guiding you through.
Once again, I encourage you to seek help breaking generational trauma. Once you can break the cycle, your loved ones may see your newfound freedom and want to experience that same liberation. Helping yourself may help many other people, in the present and future generations. Reach out to me to see how I can help you.