Our society focuses heavily on infertility problems related to women. However, men account for infertility in about half of all cases. The focus on women may be because men do not appear to be as affected by the diagnosis of infertility. However, this is not the case. Men tend to internalize their feelings, avoid the subject, or withdraw emotionally. This is not healthy for the man, nor is it healthy for a relationship.
As a psychotherapist in New York City, one of my focuses is working with couples and individuals dealing with infertility. I have helped many couples build stronger relationships and grow in their love as they work together through tough decisions and infertility treatments. They need to make difficult decisions, but when couples know how to communicate with each other in a loving and supportive manner and know how to address their own feelings in a healthy way, they make important progress. This can result in building a family, but also in building a future.
Causes of male infertility and how men react
Damage to the testicles, testosterone deficiency, mumps, exposure to radioactivity, and some medications can cause male infertility. Lifestyle causes of suppressed fertility may include abuse of alcohol or illicit drug use, extreme stress, reproductive tract infections, sexually transmitted diseases, and poor nutrition. Even using lubricants during sex may weaken or slow the sperm. Hot tubs, saunas, and tight underwear can overheat the testicles, creating an unhealthy environment for sperm.
Men often feel the same emotions that women do, but they are less likely to express them. They may show anxiety and depression, feelings of guilt or shame, and psychological distress through irritability, becoming withdrawn, or even behaving as if it doesn’t matter. Men also often see infertility as a blow to their male ego or their masculinity. The traditional desire to pass on the family name can seem impossible and this can increase feelings of guilt or denial.
Sometimes, while a man may be feeling great sorrow internally, he may try to deflect by making unhelpful and hurtful comments. These comments can be deeply hurtful to the partner who wants to have a family. They might see their partner as insensitive and heartless when, in reality, the opposite is the case. When these misunderstandings occur, relationships are deeply shaken. Counseling is very important to help a man cope in a healthy way and to help the couple work together toward a family and a healthy relationship.
Making treatment decisions
The good news is that complete infertility is fairly rare in men. There is usually a method of achieving conception. If you find yourself struggling with infertility, the first thing you should do is to educate yourself about male infertility and determine what factors may be contributing to your condition. A fertility specialist will also help you with this, but be sure to do your own research, as well. There are also many natural things you can do to improve the health and quantity of sperm.
Consider what lifestyle changes you need to make to help improve your fertility. Get a medical evaluation to determine if you have any health issues or infections that may be affecting your overall health. Come up with some shared interests that you and your partner can participate in together that will improve the health and fertility of both of you: healthful foods, exercise (but don’t overheat your groin!), de-stressing together with a nature walk, etc.
If medical intervention is necessary, there are many options, including:
- Surgery to repair an obstruction or other physical cause
- Hormone therapy to correct hormone levels
- Artificial insemination: sperm are introduced into the woman’s reproductive system
- In vitro fertilization: mature eggs and sperm are fertilized in a lab and then placed in the woman’s reproductive system
- Intracytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI): One sperm is directly injected into an egg to ensure fertilization, then placed in the woman’s reproductive system
If you and your partner are having difficulty communicating about your infertility, or if you need help thinking through the implications of the various medical interventions available, find a therapist in your area who is an expert in working with couples going through infertility. You will find therapy to be invaluable, as you work through those big questions and try to strengthen your relationship at the same time. You will need to have a strong and loving relationship to raise your baby together in a healthy environment. If you live in the New York City area, reach out to me to see how I can help.